How to Balance Charity and Boundaries

Charity is the most important virtue. We’re called to be generous in imitation of Christ, who gave everything to save us.

Some saints went to seemingly superhuman lengths to be generous to people, especially the poor. Think of St. Francis, who chose complete poverty to identify more closely with those in need and even touched the lepers. Or St. Maximilian Kolbe, who offered to be put to death by the Nazis in place of a condemned husband and father.

Still, charity doesn’t mean we shouldn’t protect our personal space. Here are tips for balancing generosity and boundaries.

Consider your state in life.
Depending on your vocation, you’re called to exercise generosity in a specific way. A friar may be called to give up his belongings and work in sometimes unsanitary or dangerous conditions.

A parent is called to a different kind of generosity. Your spouse and children come first, so it doesn’t violate charity to accumulate a certain amount of resources to give your family a dignified life.

When it comes to helping strangers, it’s not advisable for a parent to routinely do something that could possibly put them in harm’s way. For example, regularly taking homeless people out to dinner may not be wise because not every stranger is safe. Be generous, but don’t neglect your family and put yourself in danger.

What to do when you can’t give more.
It’s okay to admit that you can’t give more to somebody you’ve already helped. You have a right to establish boundaries, especially if people are taking advantage of your kindness.

Remember, you’re not the savior of the world. God isn’t asking you to solve everyone’s problems. He’s our Father and you’re His humble instrument. What you can do is pray for someone in need and entrust them to the care of God the Father. He sees their needs and the best ways to meet them.

You can’t love others if you don’t properly love yourself. And, in turn, make sure you are careful not to demand too much from others.

Remember, even Christ had boundaries. Sometimes he refused to answer His Apostles’ burning questions because His time “had not yet come.” He also periodically left the crowds that sought Him out to spend time praying in solitude.

Therefore, Our Lord gives you permission to spend some time focusing on yourself and your relationship with God.