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Many Catholics who are trying to discern their vocation fall prey to two extremes: either overly romanticizing a vocation or not thinking enough about the challenges that vocation presents.

When discerning religious life, you can’t simply rely on your feelings or what others are telling you (although the opinion of your spiritual director carries a lot of weight). You need to think practically about whether you can handle such a life.

Here are a few things to consider while discerning religious life.

1. Are you prepared for radical obedience?
Obedience to your superior is an essential part of religious life. So much so that some of the Desert Fathers spoke much more harshly about the disobedient monk than the fornicating monk.

When you join a religious order, you are freely giving up your free will in order to imitate Jesus’ perfect obedience to His Father in heaven. But this is much easier said than done! Since a fruitful religious life hinges on obedience, ask yourself if you’re up to the task.

2. Do you want a theology degree?
Some people believe that you need to study theology to be a religious. But this is usually not the case, unless you’re going to be a priest or join a teaching order.

If you’re aiming to be a cloistered monk or nun, you’re better off prepping yourself to live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience, rather than spending a ton of money on a theology degree. This is because many religious orders won’t accept you until you’re debt free. By taking out large loans for a theology degree, you may be effectively pushing your day of entry into religious life far into the future.

3. Do you understand that religious life is NOT a utopia?
That’s not to say you won’t find peace in religious life. But do you really think the devil’s going to sit around and simply watch you give your life to God?

If you talk to religious, they’ll tell you that religious life is one of constant warfare. You also become more acutely aware of your own sins and shortcomings and of your need for God’s grace.

If you want to join religious life because you think it offers a way out of the stresses and challenges of marriage or the real world, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise! Every vocation is a battle fought on behalf of the Kingdom of Heaven. Eternal repose doesn’t come until later.

As with any vocation, religious life should be approached prayerfully, seriously, and practically. If you think you’re called, seek out a wise spiritual director who can help you sift through all you’re feeling and thinking. Know what you’re getting into before committing — it will save you a lot of heartache later on!

 

 

Few verses of Scripture make as many people squirm in their seats as Ephesians 5:22: “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord.”

We live in an age where many women have more independence than at almost any other time in history. In some ways this is good, such as women earning the right to vote. In other ways it has caused a lot of harm, as we see with radical feminism and the Sexual Revolution.

We’re also more sensitive to domestic violence — an offense often perpetrated by men.

So, yeah, the issue of wives submitting to their husbands is a tough one. But the Bible commands this, so what are we to make of it?

First of all, here’s what it DOESN’T mean.
When discussing a difficult topic, it’s helpful to start with what we don’t mean. A husband’s headship doesn’t give him the right to abuse his wife or rule like a tyrant. Wives shouldn’t be expected to obey a despot.

Some men forget these later verses in that same chapter of Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church.”

See that, guys? You’re to love your wives as Christ loved the Church. And what did Christ do for the Church? He died for her.

Sounds about as far away from a tyrant as you can get.

Okay, so what does it mean for wives to submit to their husbands?
It means the husband is the head of the household and the woman shouldn’t seek this role. She should avoid contradicting her husband unless there’s a good reason to do so. She should also avoid undermining her husband’s authority in front of her children.

As much as modern secular culture hates this, the fact is that many women want their husbands to lead their families. Few things are as frustrating as a man who — out of laziness or another sin — gives up on leadership and leaves everything in the hands of his wife. So often in Catholic families, we see the man refuse to lead family prayer or take the family to Mass. Many times, these tasks fall on the wife.

A truly Catholic husband will practice his headship as a form of servant leadership. This means exercising his authority not for his own good, but for that of his wife and children. He should seek the wisdom of his wife and make it clear to her that he values her input.

Husbands, remember that God gave you a wife to help you become a better man. Let her love challenge you to become a better leader.

Ultimately, living out our Catholic faith means going against the cultural Zeitgeist. Christ assured us that we would never fully fit into the world because the world has largely rejected Him.

So stop worrying about what the world thinks and start practicing what Jesus taught us. For you married couples, it means the man needs to step up to the plate and lead his family to heaven. It means laying down his life so that his wife and children have what they need. And it means that the woman follows her husband’s lead and supports him with everything she has.

There’s no getting around it: First dates can be SUPER awkward. You meet up with someone — possibly for the first time. You both bring your dreams and insecurities to the table. It’s a ripe time for jitters, gaffes, and conflict.

To minimize the awkwardness of a first date, learn the weird things Catholics are prone to do and avoid them.

1. Don’t get too serious too quickly
We live in a hookup culture that makes it harder for serious relationships to flourish. As Catholics, we know the ultimate goal of dating is to enter into a lifelong marriage.

Keep that as your end goal, but don’t rush to get there. Spend the first date casually getting to know the person, rather than mapping out your future together. You run the risk of scaring away a potential spouse if you immediately start talking about having children with them. (Yes, that really does happen among Catholics.)

2. Don’t go too much into your past life
Many Catholics have a less-than-ideal past. If you have a history of serious sin, you will need to bring up at least aspects of this past, but wait until you’ve been dating someone for a while. They have a right to know who they’re thinking about marrying.

But a first date is NOT the place to do this! If your date doesn’t know you well, spilling your guts about your past is just going to scare them away.

Also, don’t talk about your exes on the first date.

3. Don’t ask a woman to quit her job
It’s true. Some Catholic women have reported that men have asked them to quit their jobs on the first date!

Of course, the Church holds stay-at-home moms in the highest esteem. It is a beautiful, necessary vocation. And family always comes before careers. But the Church is not against mothers working, as long as they can fulfill their primary vocation of raising their children.

Don’t get us wrong. It is a legitimate preference for a man to want his wife to be a stay-at-home mom. But save that conversation for a later date. And don’t ask a woman to stop working while she’s dating you. As long as you’re not financially supporting her, she has every right to make a living for herself. If you ask her to quit right then and there and then break up with her, you’ve left her unemployed.

4. Stay off your phone
This may seem like a no-brainer, but many Catholics follow their secular counterparts in this regard. When you’re on a date, look at the person, not your phone. Your goal is to get to know them and gauge your compatibility. You can’t do that if you’re distracted by the latest TikTok or tweet. Plus, it makes the other person feel like you don’t find them interesting or worth your time.

So many Catholics self-sabotage themselves by acting just plain weird during a first date. There’s already going to be enough unavoidable awkwardness, so why add more? Drop these behaviors and you’ll increase your chances of a more pleasant outing.

Nuns are such mysterious people to most of the world. Especially today, when there are not as many women embracing this vocation as in the past.

Some nuns live active lives, but others are mostly separate from the world, quietly praying for it from their convents.

When nuns do go out in public, they stand out with their beautiful habits and angelic smiles. They are a sign of contradiction in the world — embracing celibacy, poverty, and obedience for the spiritual riches of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Because of this mystique, many people form strange notions about nuns. Here are a few of the most common misconceptions you’ll encounter — even from Catholics.

 

1. All nuns have a spotless past
Not true. Nuns come from a wide array of backgrounds. Some, it’s true, have been devout since childhood. Others have first had to break away from a life of serious sin. And even in the convent, their battle against the world, flesh, and devil continues.

God doesn’t call the already perfect to follow Him in religious life. He calls those who are open to becoming perfect through His grace and through the joys and trials of the convent.

2. They aren’t attracted to men and don’t want kids
Nuns are sometimes asked, “So, why don’t you want to get married and have a family?” To which many nuns respond, “Actually, we do!”

There’s a misconception that having a vocation to religious life means you don’t feel any desire for marriage. But that’s not true!

God has written the desire for marriage into every human heart, even if not every individual is actually called down that path. For nuns (and also priests and monks), saying “yes” to celibacy doesn’t mean suppressing the vocation to marriage, but raising it to a spiritual level. For example, nuns are brides of Christ, so they take their natural desire for marriage and raise to a supernatural spousal love of Jesus.

3. They don’t have unique personalities
When you see a dozen or more nuns all dressed exactly alike, it can be easy to see them as a group rather than as individuals.

But if you’re ever blessed to get to know a group of sisters well, you’ll discover just how diverse their personalities are! You’ll often meet the prankster nun, the smart nun, the practical nun, and every other personality under the sun.

Entering the convent doesn’t destroy a nun’s personality, although it does save her from the egoism we see in today’s “me-centric” culture.

We’d highly encourage you to take the time at some point to talk to some nuns, or even to visit their convent. They are not aliens from another planet; they are people like you with very human dreams and flaws. But they’ve put God first and made getting to heaven their first goal — something we all can learn from them.

One of the tough realizations of being a Catholic parent is knowing that your child ultimately belongs to God, and so has to follow God’s will rather than what you may want them to do.

This includes following a priestly or religious vocation. Now, some Catholic parents are thrilled with the prospect of their child giving their life to God. For other parents, it’s a challenge to accept.

Either way, it is every Catholic parent’s duty to make sure their child stays open to whatever God is calling them to — even the priesthood or religious life.

Here are some ways to accomplish this.

1. Introduce your child to priests and religious
One reason why so few children think about a vocation to the priesthood or religious life anymore is that they have little or no contact with priests, monks, or nuns. Sadly, this is partly due to the current vocation crisis.

But there are often special vocation events for kids at Catholic schools, parishes, dioceses, or convents. Consider taking your child to one of these so they can see firsthand those who have answered the call.

2. Teach your child to pray and be open to God’s will
Make no mistake: God has some sort of plan for your child. But He probably won’t make it clear through unmistakable signs. The only way your child will discern the call is by learning to communicate regularly with God and opening their heart to His voice.

To foster your child’s relationship with God, teach them to pray daily and also take them to adoration. Having Jesus physically present before your child in adoration is a great way to help them learn to sit with God in silence.

3. Make sure your child knows that you’re open to their vocation
Parents want their children to be happy. But some have trouble seeing their children happy without marriage and families of their own. This sometimes causes well-meaning parents to discourage their children from pursuing a life of celibacy.

But, ultimately, your children belong to God. He is their first loyalty. And the only way to find true happiness in life is by following God’s will wherever it leads.

4. Also, don’t pressure them into a vocation
Then, there are those Catholic parents who are begging God to call their child to the priesthood or religious life. And this is a good desire, but, again, your child’s loyalty is to God. That means that if God is calling them to marriage, you need to accept that.

Be careful about pressuring your child to embrace a priestly or religious vocation. Otherwise, they may enter out of guilt and be miserable. And one thing the world doesn’t need is miserable priests and religious.

The Church teaches us that we can become saints in any vocation. So, no matter what vocation your child chooses, as long as they have a heart to serve God, then you should rejoice. What matters, in the end, is that they make it to heaven. Our vocation on earth is simply a means to this goal.

With dating apps and the demise of established rituals, dating has become a maze. Many men and women — even devout Catholics — are confused about how to date. They’re endlessly swiping on apps without actually meeting someone.

To help you navigate the choppy waters of modern dating, here are a few important tips based on the struggles we see in the Catholic dating world.

1. For men: Approach a woman with intentions of not dating at first
We get it. It’s really tough for men and women to find a suitable Catholic person who’s serious about a lifelong commitment. The current dating scene is so abysmal that once you do find a marriage-minded person, you may want to rush to put a ring on her finger.

Single Catholic women have literally had guys walk up to them and aggressively ask right off the bat, “Are you married?”

Don’t do this! It makes you look desperate and leaves women feeling like they’re a means to an end, rather than a person with a unique history and interests.

Rather, start with a casual chat and ask questions to get to know her, like where she grew up and what her hobbies are.

2. For women: Make sure a guy knows you’re interested
If he hasn’t made a move on you yet, there are subtle ways to open the door, such as spending time with him. Even if a man is usually the one to initiate a relationship, that doesn’t give you an excuse to be completely passive.

Also, there’s no rule that says a guy must ask a woman out first. He could be too shy. If you’re interested in him, you do the asking.

3. For both sexes: Remember that a date is not a lifelong commitment
Be serious about finding a spouse, but don’t get too serious about the first date. First dates — or even the first few dates — are simply to explore whether the two of you are interested enough in each other to spend time together and then, maybe, enter into a serious, exclusive relationship. You don’t want to jump the gun and become too romantically attached to the other person right away.

Also, don’t carry too many expectations about the first date. While it’s fine to have standards and preferences, you don’t want to go into the date with a huge checklist. Be open to the person and what they have to offer — you may be pleasantly surprised!

If you’re just not feeling it after the first date — or anytime — say so (charitably, of course). Don’t continue to date someone because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or you’re too lazy to break it off. Be upfront and honest. If you want to be friends, make that clear. Otherwise, say seeing one another is not going to work out.

Entering the dating world is much like walking a tightrope. You don’t want to fall into becoming too serious right off the bat or dating with no long-term intention of marriage.

The most important thing is to treat the other person as a human being created in the image and likeness of God. Be sure to have conversations about your faith, so you know you’re both on the same page. Start out slow and see whether moving forward together is the right decision for you.

“You need to exercise to stay healthy!” A few of you probably just cheered; many of you probably groaned.

It’s tough to find the time and energy in your already busy life to keep yourself in shape. What’s more, it’s easy to find excuses for not exercising — after all, it’s not like God’s going to ask how many steps you got in each day to determine if you’re worthy of heaven!

But regular exercise really is something we all should aspire to. Here are a few reasons why.

 

1. You are body and soul, not a soul trapped in a body
As Catholics, we know that nothing matters more than our spiritual health. But don’t be tempted to think that your soul is the real you and your body is merely a shell! Although many ideologies say that we’re souls trapped in bodies, we believe that we are both soul AND body.

At death, it is true that our souls leave our bodies. But this separation is not meant to last forever. At the end of time, there will be a general resurrection of all bodies where the happy reunion of body and soul will happen.

Because your body is integral to who you are, you can’t neglect its health. It’s a mistake to think that your spiritual health is all that matters.

2. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit
Your body is not only part of your identity, but it is so much more. It’s a temple of the Holy Spirit! St. Paul says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Would you let your parish church gather dust and crumble over time? If you truly believed it was sacred, you would make an effort to clean it and make repairs. It’s the same with your body — you want to keep it a fitting dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.

3. God made you to exercise
It’s clear from God’s design of the human body that He intended you to exercise. Otherwise, why would He program your body to respond positively to it?

For most of human history, the majority of people performed regular manual labor, so they had a way to keep their bodies in shape. For many of us today who sit around in offices and drive cars, we have to make the time to exercise so that the body can stay in shape, as God intended.

4. Your bodily health can affect your spiritual health
This goes back to the first point that you are body and soul. Because of this close union, your body and soul influence each other. We have plenty of scientific evidence now that demonstrates that your psychological state of mind has real effects on your body. Similarly, the state of your body affects your inner life.

If you’re lazy on the outside, you’re liable to spiritual sluggishness. If you develop physical discipline by exercising regularly, then you’re teaching your soul how to be disciplined with its passions.

Some final thoughts
As with any worthwhile endeavor, exercise can end up fueling your pride or taking up too much of your time. You can see this clearly in our society’s cult-like obsession with bodily perfection.

For example, if you’re a father who’s spending hours each day at the gym trying to get shredded at the expense of your family, then you’ve crossed a line.

Also, while everyone should exercise, not everyone should do it in the same amount. For some, a short daily walk is best. Others may derive benefit from lifting weights. Choose the best method of exercise according to your age, health, time, and strength. Don’t overdo it!

The best way to sanctify your exercise routine is to offer it up to God as a prayer, the same way you would your work. God wants to be part of every aspect of your life, even something as mundane as your sweaty daily workout routine!

Not so long ago, people interested in aliens were seen as weirdos who needed to get their heads out of the stars and focus on creating a flourishing life for themselves on earth.

To be honest, they’re still seen that way by a lot of people. But interest in extraterrestrials has become more mainstream. Even many Catholics are fascinated by the subject.

But is it wrong for a Catholic to be interested in aliens? After all, there’s no clear statement in the Bible that they exist. What are we to think?

Here are some things to keep in mind.

1. The Church has no official position on the existence of aliens
This seems to catch some people by surprise. But it’s true: The Church doesn’t officially say that aliens do or do not exist.

That means you’re free to follow the evidence where it leads. You do want to be careful about getting too much into the theological implications of the existence of extraterrestrial life, at least without the guidance of the Church or solid theologians.

We explored a few of these theological implications in another blog.

2. God may want us to come into contact with aliens
One may argue that extraterrestrials exist, but that God doesn’t want us to spend our time searching for them.

But how do we know that? After all, God gave us an inquiring mind and the means to uncover secrets of nature that, a mere century ago, were inaccessible, such as landing on the moon. It may be that God’s grand plan for the universe includes us making contact with His children in other galaxies.

However, for this to happen, inquiring human minds need to drive the search.

3. Make sure your interest in aliens doesn’t override your spiritual life
People who abandon belief in God may still seek transcendence in another form. It’s not mere coincidence that many atheist, agnostic, New Age, and nonreligious writers have been fascinated by the idea of intelligent life on other planets.

If you’re interested in investigating alien life, make sure to do a check on your spiritual life first. How’s your relationship with God? Do you pray throughout the day? Do you frequent the sacraments?

If your answer is “no” to these questions, be careful. We’re not saying a nonreligious person’s interest in extraterrestrials is necessarily bad, but it’s very easy to let it become an all-consuming replacement for the life of grace.

4. Don’t get carried away with conspiracy theories
Just because you’re allowed to believe in aliens doesn’t mean you should get carried away by conspiratorial winds. As with all things in life, prudence is needed. It’s always easier to create a conspiracy theory than to prove one.

It’s possible that, at some point, the Church may issue more guidance on the theological and moral implications of the extraterrestrial question. As children of Holy Mother Church, remain open to its teaching, even if it contradicts what you believe. Because, in the end, the most important event for the human race will not be making contact with aliens — if that even happens. It will be when we all stand before God at the Last Judgment and render an account of our lives.

Many of us think of holiness as somewhere other than where we are and what we’re doing. The married man may wish to be a priest. The priest may wish to be a monk. The monk may wish to be a hermit.

But your holiness is found where you are right now — yes, even in your mundane, day-to-day life.

But what if you’re not happy where you are now? What if you feel that holiness is out of reach in your present circumstances?

Here are some tips for finding holiness and happiness in the vocation God has called you to.

1. Learn to say “yes” to your vocation every single day
Whether it’s your wedding day, ordination, or profession of religious vows, there’s a certain magic to those first moments where you say “yes” to your vocation. But some people act as if they have to give only one “yes” and then everything else is a breeze.

If this is your approach, you’re bound to be disappointed. Being happy and holy in your vocation means starting each day anew. It means saying “yes” to your mission as soon as you get up in the morning. Struggles will come, and you need to be ready.

2. Holiness and happiness are found in being yourself, NOT someone else
Maybe you’ve read a biography of St. Faustina and wish you were just like her. But if God wanted you to be just like St. Faustina, He would have created you as her. But He didn’t. He made you to be YOU!

Of course, you want to follow the saints’ examples when growing in virtue. But even that will look different, depending on your circumstances. If you want to imitate St. Lawrence and maintain a cheerful spirit amidst suffering, then crack a wholesome, self-deprecating joke the next time someone mocks you. Don’t go looking for Romans to cook you alive as they did him.

3. Learn to develop interior peace
Many people trick themselves into thinking that if their external environment was different — whether that be a different job, spouse, or vocation — then they’d be at peace. This is how the secular world thinks.

The fact is, you have some control of your happiness here and now! It also comes down to learning to develop interior peace regardless of external situations. You can’t always change the externals. But you can change your response to them.

God is calling you to meet with Him in your heart now. Whatever is happening outside of you, He can use that to sanctify you. So, while we’re not saying to not work for a better world, we are saying not to let your sanity depend on the current one.

As you’ve probably gathered from these three points, holiness and happiness really come down to serving God in the here and now, rather than living an imaginary future life. The devil will try to keep you preoccupied with the faults of your past and your worries for the future.

Only God is the answer to these anxieties. And He’s waiting for you to bring these to Him right now.