The celibate life can be beautiful and fulfilling. Sometimes, however, Catholics idealize it after seeing difficult and failing marriages. Celibate priests, monks, nuns, and laypeople are spared some of the suffering that comes from being closely linked to another person for life.
Yet celibates have their own share of suffering. Despite being exempt from marital trials, they can experience deep loneliness from time to time. They may see a happily married couple with kids in tow and think, “I want that.”
Rather than pretend that celibacy is an idyllic state of bliss, let’s acknowledge the loneliness aspect and understand ways to deal with it.
Ask the Lord what he wants to do with your aching heart.
Bring your loneliness to Jesus in prayer. But don’t expect Him to immediately take away the pain. Sometimes He wants us to experience it for a while to remind ourselves that we are dependent on Him and He alone can ultimately satisfy our desires. Earth isn’t our true home, so we shouldn’t be surprised that we aren’t completely fulfilled here.
We have a Father who is good and wants to give us good things, although they’re not always what we think they should be or come when we want them. Offer your suffering to God and wait patiently for His deliverance.
Accept the fact that you still may feel a desire for marriage.
It’s a great disservice to tell someone discerning the celibate life that their desire for marriage will be fulfilled in a different way. That’s simply not true.
That doesn’t mean priests, religious, and celibate laypeople can’t have happy, fulfilling lives. The yearning to become one in body and spirit with another person and have children may arise. Marriage heals many aches that the celibate person will experience for life.
Ultimately, celibates should keep two principles in mind. First, each of us — married or celibate — will experience suffering in this life. Neither marriage nor priesthood nor religious life will take us to a state of bliss.
Second, heaven will heal all our wounds and give us the fulfillment we’ve been seeking on earth. What matters in the end is not what we’re suffering on earth, but whether we’re being faithful to God, who has better things in store for us in eternity.